The Network Garden - Mark Sigal's Blog

The End: A George W. Bush Cartoon

Very funny...and says it all in two words (from Sunday's SF Chonicle)

 

(Tom Meyer)

The Final Word on Kramergate?

As a big time fan of Seinfeld who can no longer quite watch the show with the same eye post Kramergate, I thought that this mashup, which merges news and real content from the show, captures the paradox within the paradox.  Enjoy.

NBA Draft Diary by Bill Simmons

Bill Simmons of ESPN is the best after capturing the off-beat, ridiculous spectacle that is professional sports.  In his diary of the 2006 NBA draft, he snapshots the event in all of its glory.  For those who have followed the Titanic that is Isiah Thomas' captain-ing of the Knicks into an iceberg of epic proportions, the excerpt that folllows is worth a chuckle.

9:36 -- There are those moments in sports when you expect something great, and then it actually happens. And then there are those rare moments in sports when you expect something great, and something even greater happens. This was one of those moments: The Knicks on the clock, the crowd pushing for Marcus Williams, and then ...

--Stern: "With the 20th pick, the New York Knicks select ... Renaldo Balkman."

(Crowd explodes in horror.)

--Stern (over the boos): "Renaldo is not here."

--Patrick (without missing a beat): "And it's probably a good thing."

(Shot of a beaten-down Spike Lee laughing hysterically.)

Kathy Willens/AP Photo

The rioting will not stop here.

9:36 -- That was fantastic. Everyone kept e-mailing me to write about Isiah and the Knicks last week ... what else was there to say? OF COURSE Isiah was meant to coach this team as his final job in the NBA before retiring to a life of greeting people at casinos and doing informercials. If somebody clogs your toilet, you ask him to clean up the mess. That's just the way life works. I'm telling you, we're going to remember the Isiah/Knicks Era the same way we remember things like Enron, the Hindenberg and the Bay of Pigs. It's reached that level. I don't know what else to say. Honestly. I have Knicks fans e-mailing me every day asking me if it's OK to root against their own team. What else can you say at this point?

(Wait, I know ... Renaldo Balkman!)

9:37 -- A stammering Bilas sets off three minutes of Isiah-bashing by saying, "This to me is a stunner, I'm stunned. This is a second-round player. Nobody else would have taken him in the first round," followed by Greg Anthony using the word "befuddling" and Stephen A. (maybe for the first time ever) admitting, "I'm almost speechless."

I mean, when Stephen A. is almost speechless ...

9:39 -- Who's going to be the first one to make the obligatory "Is it possible that Isiah thought he was taking Rolando Blackman?" joke. Screw it, I'll do it.

Reality TV meets train wreck

The above title says it all about E! TV's "Taradise" travel adventure program starring the incomparable (truly) Tara Reid.  Consider her rich analysis on the London Train bombings:

TARA: I wish all the mean people, if you want to be mean to each other, just buy a country together and blow each other up. Then we’d have no terrorists left. Like, don’t kill innocent people for no reason. It’s not fair. We love everybody. We’d even like them if they said they’re sorry. It’s not fair that innocent people are getting hurt. It makes me sad. [pouts]

Captured from Defamer, which had the following hilarious closing line:  She’s going to be a huge hit when the Taradise crew lands in Jerusalem for three days of wild clubbing, fine dining, and high-level peace talks.

Who's the Manny: ESPN Page 2

Bill Simmon's has a pretty funny analysis of the trade that never was of Manny Ramirez last week.  I scratched my head when the rumors popped up for the reasons touched in the article but also remember the other times the "Manny to..." rumors have popped up so nothing would have surprised.  Here's the excerpt:

Which raises the second point …

2. Manny is completely nuts
Completely. Totally. After his agent agreed to contract terms with Boston five years ago, Manny threw out one final condition -- the Sox also needed to hire the guy who set up the pitching machine for him in Cleveland (trivia answer: Frankie Mancini). So his agent had to go back to Boston GM Dan Duquette, who said, "Yes, we'll hire the pitching machine guy if that makes him happy." Only the pitching machine guy didn't want to leave Cleveland. Manny decided to come, anyway.

Here's the point: He's a lunatic, but in a functional way. Two or three times a year, something sets him off, and it could be anything -- someone borrowed his Aqua Velva without asking, Louisville Slugger forgot to send him a new box of bats, his wife accidentally erased a movie from their TiVo, and so on. And that's it. He's a mess for two weeks. Unlike someone like Bonzi Wells or Terrell Owens, he doesn't antagonize reporters, blast other teammates or swear at his coach. He's not a negative presence.

Bullet to the brain...

Life imitating art, or vice versa.  Pretty funny.  Click on image for larger view.

"Priceless #1" from Hank Willis Thomas at Yerba Buena Center of the Arts.

The funniest joke you've never heard before

I came across this story in the August, '05 issue of Vanity Fair (a great magazine in terms of breadth of topics and depth of coverage on those topics).  Penn Jillette (of Penn &Teller) and comedian Paul Provenza are about to release The Aristocrats, essentially a documentary about one thing: a joke so disgusting and in such poor taste that you don't know whether to laugh or be offended. 

The angle that is unique here is the fact that the telling of the joke is a sort of rite of passage for comedians, and the movie captures the veritable who's who of Robin Williams, Steven Wright and even Bob Saget (plus many other BIG names) telling their version of the joke. 

The movie is one part slice of disgusto life and one part story behind the story of the telling of the joke and its place in comedian hazing and acceptance.  Three links to help frame if it's something of interest to you. 

One is an interview with Penn Jillette and Paul Provenza, makers of the film. 

Two is a Southpark version of the joke (Southpark Aristocrats)

Three is Taylor Negron refusing to share his version of the joke in Defamer.  Supposedly, his version sets the bar, so to speak.

Unrecognizable without her “accessory”?

Ricky Gervais zings Paris Hilton pretty good at Live8, as captured in Defamer.  Pretty hilarious. 

Thank you everybody, good night.  Don't forget to tip your waitress. ;-)

NBA's rank and file: ESPN's Page 2

Bill Simmon’s often hilarious rankings of the top 40 players in the NBA.  If you are halfway knowledgeable on the players and the personalities, a must read.  Here is an excerpt on Shaquille O’Neal:

6. Shaquille O'Neal – If only because of the way he hooked the Heat franchise up to the Juvenation Machine last season. With that said, I think the days of "Shaq: Unstoppable Force" are winding down to a close. Just seems like his body is slowly breaking down. I'm looking forward to his retirement – it's just going to be a series of stories along the lines of:

"Shaq quits job as sheriff in small Louisiana town, decides to become a professional alligator wrestler."

"Shaq accepts job as host of "Fear Factor;" Joe Rogan reportedly furious."

"Shaq hired as America West pilot, resigns from NASA's astronaut program."

"Notorious serial killer brought down by FBI and Shaq."